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When the Wolf Cries -- Part 3
by
KandaceK
9-24-98
Jim brought his attention back for a moment, to find Simon's hand resting on his arm. He acknowledged the captain's gesture with a nod. Seven-thirty? He checked his watch. Almost quarter after three. If his assumption was right, Alex had been talking about the nerve gas she'd stolen, and she'd set it to go off in a little over four hours. Filing that information for immediate retrieval, he extended his senses again. This time, he heard a male voice. It wasn't Sandburg's. He was telling Alex their patient was awake, again. There was a rustling of paper, then the faint squeak of springs. Apparently the man had made himself comfortable in a chair. The Sentinel tracked the woman's footsteps to the back of the dwelling.
Pulling his attention back once more, Ellison scanned the clearing, plotting his approach. There was a large window along the front that they needed to avoid at all costs, but the north side of the cabin was unadorned by glass. Testing the breezes, he determined it would still be downwind. Silently admonishing Simon to remain quiet, he led them into the brush again, angling toward the north. Moments later they were in position. Jim took one more scan of the area. Satisfied, he darted toward the cabin. His captain was close on his heels and almost as silent.
Jim concentrated on listening again. It was difficult to get past the white noise this time, because the field was so close to what he hoped to hear. Finally, he managed to pick out Alex's voice again. When he heard Blair's strong, but tired-sounding tenor, a wave of relief flooded him. A second later, his Guide's words registered, and his blood chilled. Blair was chastising her for pushing her hearing too hard, and giving herself a headache. He told her to close her eyes, take a deep breath, and turn down the dials. Jim's jaws clenched, and his face went stony. "The Guide will always guide others, but he will only truly lead one," he heard the voice of his spirit guide murmur. His jaw relaxed. Blair was just doing what came naturally to him-helping others. Besides, he was only coaching her through the basics, something that had become almost instinctive with Jim.
A touch on his arm made him glance at Simon. The captain was giving him a concerned look, and he gave the man a nod. With a come along gesture, Jim edged his way around the corner of the building to the back. There was one window, and another could be seen through it that looked out on the other end of the cabin. From his oblique angle, Jim could just see the edge of a bed, and the legs of someone lying on it. He knew it was Blair. Bouncing his sight off the reflection in the other window, he watched Alex leave the room. When the door shut, he inched closer to the opening. The lower sash was just above waist-high. Easy. Double-checking the occupancy of the room, Ellison reached out to the glass. It was latched, but it was a simple lock and his boot knife quickly freed it. Applying pressure, he was gratified by its easy slide. Soundlessly, he eased the window all the way open.
Turning back to Simon, Jim made a motion to move around front, held up five fingers, then closed his fist. Wait five minutes before moving in. Banks nodded his understanding, but waited until the detective pulled himself inside before moving. Jim gave the captain a thumbs up, then turned away.
Silently, the ex-Ranger crept to the side of the bed, avoiding any loose floorboards with instinctual ease. He gazed down at his pale and worn-looking Guide. Indulging in a few brief moments of heightened sense awareness, he catalogued his friend's condition, relieved by what he found. Only years of training prevented Jim from grabbing the smaller man in a bear hug.
Blair's eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping, but the Sentinel knew it was only a light doze. His heartbeat was strong, if a little slow, but his breathing was steady. Jim detected a hint of congestion developing, but nothing life-threatening for the time being. He reached out and touched Blair lightly on the shoulder. The other man's eyes slowly opened. The blue orbs gazed up at him in confusion for a moment, then widened in shocked recognition. Jim smiled, and nodded in confirmation to the question he could see in those eyes. His large hand swiftly covered his Guide's mouth as it opened to say something. He glanced toward the door to make sure Alex hadn't been alerted by Blair's suddenly thundering heart. When there was no immediate commotion, he turned back. Blair was still staring at him in wide-eyed wonder, almost as if he didn't believe his eyes. Jim smiled again, raising a finger to his lips. When the curly-headed man nodded slightly, he removed his hand. Taking his knife, he quickly cut the ropes binding his friend's ankles and wrists to the bed frame.
Once that task was finished, he bent until his lips were almost touching Blair's ear, and breathed, "Can you move at all?" His answer was a raised hand and a weak shrug. "Okay. Don't worry. The weakness will pass." He heard his Guide's heart skip a beat, then a soft exhale of breath. "You weren't sure, huh?" Another head shake. Jim gripped his shoulder. "Chief?" An indrawn breath, an expectant silence. "I trust you." A ragged exhale. Jim straightened enough to look into Blair's face. The exhausted eyes were suddenly bright with unshed tears, and a tremulous smile touched the sensuous mouth. The older man's lips twitched and his own blue eyes watered as he nodded reassuringly. He leaned close to his friend's ear again. "You know what I have to do, don't you? I have to take her down." Another nod. "Will you help me?" A nervous tremble. "Blair, you're my Guide, and though I don't deserve to be, I am your sentinel. I think I finally understand now, at least a little. Your choice. Sentinel against sentinel, ends in draw. Guided sentinel versus sentinel, prevails." Blair's heart skipped again, and when Jim met his gaze this time, it was wide with concern. The younger man swallowed. "I'm not asking you to choose between our lives, Chief. I don't want to kill her, and I won't if she gives me the option. I'm hoping you'll guide your sentinel again, and trust him one more time." The shoulder under his hand relaxed, and Blair nodded. He squeezed that shoulder gratefully. "Okay, when I give you the signal, call her in here."
Jim straightened, moving swiftly and silently to stand beside the door. When he was in position, he looked back at Blair, and nodded. The younger man closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then opened his eyes again.
"Alex?" he called. "Can I have a drink of water?"
A few moments later the blonde woman entered the room, carrying a glass of water. She stopped in her tracks, staring at her captive. "How did you get loose?" She spun around when she heard the soft click as the door latched closed. In stunned disbelief, she stared into the steely blue eyes of her rival.
"Hello, Alex." His soft voice broke the momentary spell.
Rage suffused her. Alex screamed in defiance, causing the other sentinel to cringe. Thinking she had the advantage, she threw the glass at his head, then launched herself at him.
Jim hadn't expected the scream, but he instantly downed the dial. He saw the glass sail toward him, and ducked, but couldn't quite brace himself in time for Alex's impact. He went down, striking his head on the hard wooden floor. As he desperately tried to clear the sparkles from his vision, he caught the clawed fingers aiming for his face. He twisted, trying to gain a better hold on her arms, and received a knee in the groin for his efforts. With a groan, his grip involuntarily loosened, and the furious woman pulled herself free. Ellison rolled to his knees, trying to ignore the pain.
"Turn it down, Jim. See the pain dial and turn it down." His Guide's voice cut through the haze. Automatically he responded. His vision cleared just in time to see Alex swinging something heavy at his head. He managed to deflect most of the blow, grabbing her around the waist. Overbalanced, they toppled over. Jim scrambled to pin her to the floor with his weight, but she kicked and squirmed. She got an arm free, reached back, found purchase and yanked on his hair. Ellison cursed.
Knowing he had a hell-cat in his arms, Jim tried desperately to gain a better hold on her. He ignored the scratches she was inflicting. Alex threw back her head, connecting solidly with his mouth. He grunted almost soundlessly, tasting blood on the inside of his lip. Reflexively his grasp loosened, and with a tremendous effort, she wriggled free. Alex leaped to her feet. Jim rolled to his feet right behind her. She aimed a kick at his head. Ducking, he caught the deadly leg, flipping her to her back. She hit the floor with a pain-filled gasp, but she was up in an instant. She crouched, facing off with him. Jim eyed his opponent warily, always keenly aware of where Sandburg was positioned.
The two circled, looking for a weakness, an opportunity. The ancient dance of one on one combat. Abruptly, Alex leaped into the air, lashing out with her feet again. Jim avoided the kick and tried to grab her. He managed to capture an arm, but before he could do anything else, Alex used his own arm as a fulcrum. Grasping his wrist, she pivoted and stiff-armed her palm into his face, then raked her nails across his cheek, barely missing his eye. While he was off balance she landed a kick to his stomach. The pain should have doubled him over, but a grunt was all that came from him. To her surprise and fury, he captured her next kick, and sent her to the floor again. She wasn't as quick to get up this time, but she rolled and was on her feet before he could press his advantage.
Jim studied the female sentinel, alert for her next move. He knew he was at a bit of a disadvantage. He didn't want to hurt her, but his opponent was intent on maiming or even killing him. Not a good scenario. No, I don't want to hurt her, I want to kill her for what she did to Sandburg. But he sensed a greater purpose than killing in this confrontation. She seemed to be slightly winded, while he had barely broken a sweat, and he'd been doing all the dodging. Hmm.
Her attention seemed to wander for a moment. Jim crouched, sweeping one leg out. Caught by surprise, Alex's legs went out from under her and she hit the floor hard. She lay stunned. Just as Jim reached for her, she surged up. He was ready, having sensed her muscles poised to spring. In the blink of an eye Jim caught her wrist, pivoted, and pinned her arm behind her back. Alex yelped in pain. Despite this, she kicked his shin, hoping to gain her freedom once more. He answered her with a soft grunt, and twisted her other arm behind her back. She was immobilized. An injudicious move on her part or an increase in pressure on his, and something would end up broken or dislocated.
"No! I won't let you have him!" Alex screamed in frustration. "He's mine!"
The air seemed to shimmer for a moment. The bedroom and cabin disappeared. In their place was a jungle clearing. Jim gasped silently in recognition. He hadn't expected this, though after the vision and the wolf, he knew he probably should have. In front of him, he could hear Alex's heart pounding as she stared around in confusion. He could smell the fear beneath her anger and defiance.
Not far away were the temple ruins where he had met his animal spirit. The panther was there now, at the base of the platform, holding a jaguar cornered. On the raised dais, looking bemused, shocked, and unsure, Blair stood. The gray wolf was beside him. The Guide turned his attention toward them, and his demeanor changed. Jim could tell he'd grasped where he was, and apparently knew why he was there.
"Alex, stop." Blair's voice was quiet, but carried the full force of a command.
The woman quit struggling and glared at the curly-headed man. Jim glanced at his friend nervously, but returned his attention to keeping the other sentinel subdued. With both animal spirits and his Guide present, he realized something powerful was about to happen, though he didn't know what. To further add to his anxiety, the hairs on the back of his neck prickled as he sensed the presence of something or someone else.
It was obvious Alex felt something too, for she kept turning her head, trying to find the source of her nervousness. Finally, she stopped, and stared at Blair. "I saw how he was looking at you. He was trying to take you from me, but you're mine."
The young shaman gently shook his head. "No, Alex. He was protecting me, whereas you were trying to possess me, like a piece of property."
"But you're my guide now. He doesn't need you anymore. I do."
A look of profound sadness crossed Blair's face. "Alex, you don't understand. This Sentinel-Guide thing...it's for life. Once the bond has been formed, and the choice made, it can't be reneged on. I made my choice two years ago. I thought Jim had made his a few months ago." Dark blue eyes sought and found guilty crystal-blue orbs.
Jim looked at his friend and Guide, nodding in affirmation. Blair shot him a faint smile.
"Jim and I, we've had our differences--who doesn't?--we're only human. And even though Jim fights his senses from time to time, and often won't admit to needing me, we always work through our problems together. That's what it's all about. Without each other, we're only half as effective. We're crippled."
Jim flinched at hearing the same words his spirit guide had used. He realized the truth in them now.
"But, what about me?" Alex demanded. "You helped me. I thought that meant you were offering to be my guide."
Blair's expression turned regretful. "I'm really sorry about that. I only wanted to help you, maybe even study you. After all, you're only the second full sentinel I've ever found. I couldn't pass up the opportunity, and when you so obviously needed help, well...I'm a Guide. I couldn't let a lone sentinel suffer. If I'd known what was going to happen, if I'd known Jim was being so surly because he was sensing another sentinel in our city...." The young shaman shook his head.
"You wouldn't have helped me," Alex said matter-of-factly.
Again Blair shook his head, this time emphatically. "No, I still would've helped you, I just would've gotten my sentinel to help me."
"Well, isn't that just noble of you," the woman sneered, attempting to break out of her rival's hold.
Jim had been alert for any such attempt, and easily subdued her with a little added pressure to her bent arms. She gasped in pain, and cursed, but ceased struggling.
"So, what now?" she asked.
Blair spoke, interrupting anything his partner had been about to say. "Now, as much as I hate the loss, we neutralize you."
"He's a cop, you can't just kill me."
"I didn't say anything about killing you." Blair's gaze filled with regret. "You'll get your day in court, don't worry. But, the sentinel will be no more." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I almost feel sorry for you."
"Why?" Alex questioned.
"To have hyperactive senses and no one to help you deal with them." Blair shuddered. "I remember what Jim was going through when I met him."
"Then you should understand why I need you as my guide."
"Oh, I understand," the Guide said softly. "But you lack the one thing Jim has in spades. Any sentinel should--must have--compassion. That alone prevents me from feeling sorry for you. Compassion is the one thing outside the five senses that allows a sentinel to fulfill his or her ordained role. Without it, a sentinel is nothing more than a tyrant.
"Coping with your senses alone, without a guide, is no excuse. Despite the headaches, you seemed remarkably well adjusted to your senses, almost cavalier actually. Jim would, and almost did, eat his gun before he'd let himself hurt anyone if his senses drove him mad."
Alex made a rude noise, cursing when her captor's grip tightened a fraction. Jim remained silent, keeping most of his attention on the woman, but listening with pride to Sandburg's words.
"No, Alex. Don't think Jim is weak because of his compassion. He has killed, many times, and he regrets every one. His compassion is what keeps him human.
"You, however, are a cold-blooded murderer, with no regrets. After I helped you gain some control over your senses, you just used your abilities to continue your crime spree. Apparently, all I did was make you a better criminal."
"And I thank you for that," Alex interjected.
"That's what I mean. No regrets. I don't think you ever had a compassionate bone in your body." Blair shook his head, and sighed. "Well, no more. For the misuse of your abilities in stealing, murder, the attempted murder of another sentinel, and the attempted murder and kidnapping of that sentinel's Guide, it is now my duty as Shaman, to strip you of the gift."
Jim felt something in the air begin to shift. Nervously, he glanced around the clearing. The woman he held bound trembled, and he knew she felt it too. Looking back to the altar, he thought he saw the image of Incacha and other Indian shaman hovering around his friend, but the impression was fleeting. Swallowing, Jim stared at his friend with surprise, and a touch of awe. Standing here, listening to him, he'd had an inkling of what his Guide intended, but no idea Blair had that kind of power, much less knew how to use it. Now, feeling his skin tingle, as the power gathered, he watched as the younger man closed his eyes and began to chant. Tearing his eyes away, he glanced down at the wolf to see the animal leaning against Blair's legs, its blue-gold eyes fastened on the woman he held immobilized. After a moment, Jim felt Alex stiffen, and looked down at her.
"What are you doing? No! You can't!" she screeched.
Jim winced at the noise, but held firm.
"I can, and I did," Blair said simply, exhaustion coloring his words. "Your heightened senses have been neutralized."
Ellison blinked, and found himself back in the cabin, barely holding onto a struggling Alex. Shaking off the after-images of the vision, Jim quickly pulled out his cuffs. Grunting as her latest kick connected with his shin, he wasted no further time clicking the metal bracelets around her wrists.
"Jim!"
He looked up to see Simon standing in the doorway. He gave his superior a tired smile. "Hey, Simon. Her friend taken care of?"
Banks nodded, eyeing his detective warily. "I've called backup in. How's it going in here? You look like you've gone ten rounds with an angry cat."
Ellison reached up a sensitive hand to the scratches on his face. "Under control, sir. I don't think Alex will be doing any sentinel tricks from now on."
"Oh?" The captain's tone conveyed a myriad of unasked questions in that single word, as he looked at the sullen woman his detective held.
"Her senses have been nullified." Jim was grateful when Simon didn't press for further details. Instead, he busied himself with Mirandizing his prisoner, then glanced at his watch. He was surprised to see only ten minutes had transpired from when he'd entered the bedroom. He turned the woman over to his superior then moved to his partner, still supine on the bed.
"How is he, Jim?"
The Sentinel reached out a gentle hand to his Guide's forehead, unaware of the tender smile that graced his lips. He automatically made note of the other man's pallor. His vitals were strong. The heartbeat was steady, his breathing even. "Unconscious, but basically unharmed," he answered, before Simon could question him again. "He'll need to go to the hospital to get checked out. He's still weak."
"I'll call an ambulance," Simon said, just as the backup arrived.
Jim straightened. "It'll be faster to take him in your car."
"But he's unconscious."
"I know the reason for that, sir. It's nothing they'll be able to explain. By the time we get back to town, I should have him awake."
Banks looked skeptical, but let it go. The Sentinel was back in charge, protecting his Guide.
"How's Sandy?" Megan Connor's voice interrupted their little tableau. Jim spared her a glance, then looked past her into the other room. He smiled faintly at Joel, Rafe and Brown who had wisely stayed back. They'd known simply by looking at Ellison's face that Sandburg was okay.
"He's going to be fine. Jim and I are going to take him to the hospital to have him checked out. Take her out of here," Simon directed, pushing the woman toward the inspector.
"Just a minute, Simon." Jim stepped closer to their prisoner. "The nerve gas, Alex. Who's your partner? He's going to place the canisters for you, isn't he?"
She sneered. "Wouldn't you like to know, detective? I don't have to say anything, remember?"
Jim smirked, nodding slightly. Turning his attention to Simon, he said, "She's had one canister placed in Cascade Central Park, and one at Rainier. They're to go off at seven-thirty tonight."
"The jazz concert and the Fall Festival. Full of people. Perfect places to release a nerve toxin." Banks scowled, and he began barking orders.
Blair's eyes slowly opened, blinking owlishly in the dim light. Finally, the white ceiling came into focus. Hospital. He looked up at the IV bags hanging on the pole, following the tubes to his hand. Automatically, his gaze drifted to the other side. A lump rose in his throat when he discovered Jim sitting in the chair, asleep. He could barely describe the emotions that flooded him at sight of Ellison. Relief. Love. Fear. Anger. Love. Relief. They kept circling around in his head.
"Jim?" he breathed.
The other man roused. "Hey, Chief." Blair smiled tiredly, meeting his friend's eyes as Jim leaned forward to grasp his hand.
"Did we do what I think we did?"
Jim gave him a boyish grin. "If you're talking about the fight I had with another sentinel, and about how my shaman stripped her of her abilities at the temple ruins, then yeah, we did."
"Okay. Thought I might have dreamt it all." He smiled. "Wow, that was some trip."
Jim nodded in wholehearted agreement. "Yeah. I had no idea you could do that."
"Huh, I didn't either. Most of it was the wolf, though." The younger man cocked an eyebrow at his friend. "There was a wolf, wasn't there?"
"Yeah, buddy, there was most definitely a wolf. Must be your animal spirit."
Blair's eyes wandered back to the ceiling, not hearing his friend, as his attention drifted to darker thoughts. "So, did you catch the guy in the cabin with Alex? What about the nerve gas?"
"Yeah, Simon got him. He surrendered without a fight when he realized Alex wasn't going to come to his rescue. The nerve gas was found before it was set to be released. We actually got lucky for once. One of the uniforms spotted someone suspicious near where one of the canisters was found. It turned out to be Alex's partner. He had the triggering device on him. He's at the station now giving a full confession. Seems he doesn't want to take the fall alone."
Blair nodded. "That's good." He scratched absently at his jaw, encountering heavy stubble. "Hey, d'you suppose I could get one of those pretty nurses to give me a shave?"
Jim chuckled quietly. Blair definitely had the misfortune of requiring two shaves a day, especially if he planned to go on a date. After nearly two days, he had a good start on a heavy beard. "I think that can be arranged, Chief," Jim said with an amused smile.
Blair grinned, but it quickly faded. His mind was still caught up in the nightmare of events just past. "So, now what happens with Alex?" His eyes darted to Jim when he heard the other man sigh.
"She's been remanded into federal custody since her list of crimes extends across the country; robbery, murder, and now kidnapping."
Blair nodded, swallowing uncomfortably. "Will I have to testify?"
Another sigh. "Maybe. It all depends on how much her two accomplices know and are willing to divulge, and on what kind of plea bargain they can arrange."
The anthropologist closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. A familiar hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked up into the concerned blue eyes of his friend, and smiled weakly. His eyes soon found the ceiling again, his thoughts taking another dark turn. "Jim, why'd you come after me?"
"What kind of question is that, Chief? Why wouldn't I come after you?"
He turned a disgusted gaze on his friend, his eyes flashing anger. "Just give me a straight answer, Jim. You cut me loose, remember? Said you needed somebody you could trust. You should have thought I was dead. Why'd you come after me?"
Jim's face turned to stone for a moment. "Didn't you want me to?" he choked out. "Wasn't that message at the lab for me?"
Blair gasped, clamping his eyes tightly shut. Despite his best efforts, tears leaked out. "Yes. Damnit. But--I didn't know if you'd know. If you'd even care...." His voice was barely above a whisper.
Jim's grip tightened, and Blair opened his eyes. Jim's eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I care, Chief. I care," the big man said raggedly. "Never have I been more aware of how callously I've treated you these last few weeks, than when I realized Alex had faked your death. Sorry isn't going to begin to cover this, but I really am."
"What tipped you off?"
A soft sound, like a half chuckle. "Several things, really. First, my senses didn't go haywire. I guess deep down, part of me knew you weren't dead. Second, there was an odd smell at the fountain when we found you. I know now it was the drug Alex gave you. Third, her scent was in the morgue, and I realized she'd stolen your body before Dan could perform the autopsy-thank God. Last, but not least, that wolf of yours kept showing up when I even half-guessed right. Each time his expression got a little less guarded and a little more expectant. When I finally put all the pieces together, he literally grinned at me, and cried his approval."
"I'm surprised you listened to him," Blair said pointedly, seeing Jim wince, and almost regretting his words. Almost.
"Yeah, well, after a few dreams where I kill the panther, to wake up the next morning with cotton stuffed in my ears, I'm not about to ignore one where I kill a wolf and it turns out to be you."
"What?" He stared at his friend in shock. He watched as Jim's jaw muscle twitched. The older man nodded, sitting back in the chair, and rubbing a hand over his forehead. Blair continued to stare, silently urging him to explain.
A heavy sigh. Quietly, reluctantly, Jim spoke. "It...It was after I was shot, before I knew about Alex for sure. I was in the jungle. At the ruins. A wolf approached as I was looking at them. I--shot it with a crossbow. It looked at me with the most piteous expression, whining...." Jim swallowed. His voice shook as he continued, "As the light faded from its eyes, it...morphed into you." The big man dropped his head.
"Oh, Jim," Blair moaned in sympathy.
"I woke up in a cold sweat. I didn't know what it meant."
"Were you ever gonna tell me?"
Jim shrugged. "I don't know. I did go to the campus, thinking we could talk about stuff, but I sensed Alex in your office. Then I saw that jaguar leap through your door. I just left. You know what happened after that."
Blair's brow furrowed as several thoughts swirled in his head. "Jaguar? You saw a jaguar?" His friend nodded. "You sensed Alex in my office?" Another affirmative. "This was the day I came h-back to the loft to find my stuff packed?" A look of pain and another nod. "That wasn't the first time you'd seen the jaguar, was it?"
"No." Jim whispered, shaking his head. "I--"
"The robbery! That's why you got shot! Isn't it? You saw the jaguar when you were making that bust, and got distracted."
The older man gave him a crooked smile. "Yeah, Darwin. You got it in one."
Blair groaned, closing his eyes. He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Jim, man, do you realize if you'd told me about that in the beginning, most of this might've been avoided?"
"Yeah," the other man agreed quietly.
Blair opened his eyes again, and looked at the slouched figure in the chair. "At a minimum, if I'd known about the jaguar when I heard about Alex, I would've known my sentinel had sensed her. I would've also tried a hell of a lot harder to tell you about her, instead of letting you shut me out." His voice was tinged with bitter regret.
"Probably, but then your sentinel wouldn't have learned a hard lesson." Jim raised his head to meet Blair's eyes.
"What lesson is that?"
"To trust my Guide, no matter the appearances."
Blair's eyes narrowed speculatively, unsure what Jim might be referring to. "What do you mean?"
A tiny smile quirked the corners of the older man's lips. "I had a vision last night."
"And?"
"This one involved the panther and the wolf. Only, there was something wrong with my animal spirit."
"Wrong? What was wrong?" What could possibly be wrong with an animal spirit?
"He was missing two limbs. He couldn't stand, let alone walk. He was crippled." Jim met his partner's gaze.
Blair's eyes widened in shock. "Then what happened?"
The big man inhaled and exhaled raggedly. "He told me I had kept the gift, but ripped the Guide from my side. I had crippled myself."
The young shaman nodded in complete understanding.
"He asked me if I trusted my Guide. When I told him yes, he asked even if my Guide appears to be leading another." Ellison swallowed. "Again I answered yes. He told me to follow, and showed me where the wolf was waiting. Just before I followed the wolf, he said, 'The Guide without his Sentinel is as crippled. The Guide will always guide others, but he will only truly lead one.' I've never felt so humbled, Chief. I don't know why I can't seem to accept this sentinel thing and go with it."
Sandburg laughed softly at this, but there were tears in his eyes. "It's because you're a cop, Jim. You deal in cold facts. Anything smacking of the esoteric makes you feel uneasy, like you're not in control," he explained. "He was right, you know."
"What?"
"Your spirit guide was right. I was just as crippled. Any time you shut me out, especially this time, I feel totally lost. Like a ship in a storm without an anchor. It's scary, man. And it makes me feel utterly useless."
Jim shut his eyes in shame. "I know, Blair. I'm sorry," he whispered. "I wish I'd learn to trust when my senses are giving me warning signals, instead of brushing them off as nothing."
"Yeah, and I wish you'd learn to tell me about these 'warning signals' more often, so I could help you." Blair cast his partner an arch look and added, "This is a classic example of what I termed your 'fear-based' reactions. You sensed a threat, based on the fear that I, and maybe even your city, was in danger. You acted on it. Perfectly logical. That's how you should react. But it would help if you'd clue your Guide into these episodes."
"I know, Chief. I know."
"Of course, after you accused me of being in your face all the time, I quit pushing you for answers to what was going on in your head." Blair rambled, his thoughts taking him on a darkening tangent. "Maybe I should have kept pushing? I don't know. Maybe if I'd been more alert, more observant..."
"Sandburg...Blair."
Sandburg's monologue halted, and he turned uncertain eyes to his friend. "Yeah?"
"You're babbling."
He swallowed, nodding in acknowledgment. His fingers absently plucked at the lint on the blanket.
"Chief, I know what a hardass I can be when it comes to dealing with this sentinel thing. I'm sorry I accused you of being in my face all the time. That hasn't been true, since before we went to Peru. I knew at the time that came out all wrong, but I couldn't seem to find the right words to apologize. Now, I'm not making any guarantees. I might still be a jerk about this sometimes, but I can promise to try to do better in the future."
Blair listened silently to his partner's speech, a tiny seed of hope flaring in his chest. "Is there going to be a future?" He saw Jim freeze, then slowly turn uncertain crystal-blue eyes to meet his darker blue ones.
"I-thought-I hope so," the big man said softly. "I hope you're still willing to be my Guide."
"Is that all?" Blair hated asking for what should be obvious, but he had to hear the words.
For once, the ex-military, hard-nosed cop seemed to understand what was wanted. "I need you, Blair. Jim Ellison, and the Sentinel, need you. You're my friend, my partner, my Guide. Please, will you move back--home?"
He closed his eyes, relief washing over him. Tears threatened to escape from under his lashes again, tears of joy. He smiled. "Thanks, man. I needed to hear that."
"You're welcome. Well?"
Blair looked at his partner, seeing the still unsure expression on his unusually open face. His smile widened into a grin. "Yeah, Jim. I'll come home." Home. Such a sweet word. "Thanks."
He was rewarded with Ellison's own beautiful smile.
finis
